A close female family friend(s) or relative(s) or someone who expresses their feminine energy strongly may have change your life direction, as you could have been a “troubled child or adolescent”.
Feelings of depression, hopelessness, and regret, serve to propel you to change.
The drama that occurs in your life serves to change a habit that you need to let go off, yes, it is painful, but it happens so you can make the leap of faith into your next experience.
It is best to have a habit or something greater than yourself you believe in and can put your time into.
Such as astrology, tarot reading or some other occult practice, but delve deep, do not surface level, learn as this won’t help you.
Astrology can be a great tool to help you see and accept yourself, especially the shadow which needs to be integrated into your personality.
Training yourself to manage obsessive thoughts, reactions and desires, and letting go of self-destructive and addictive behaviours, is how you allow yourself to regenerate and grow.